It is really interesting reading your post and Theophilus's post today. (http://inmylifemish.blogspot.com/2005/11/snake-eyes.html) I had a very similar conversation with a friend about 2 weeks ago. He is called into global ministry and is single and is completely struggling with the same issue. How can someone be a missionary and a husband at the same time? How is that Biblical? I by no means am an expert, and I did not have this answer to his question two weeks ago. And I am also single, with no immediate prospect of marriage, so this is not coming out of a "justifcation" to marry someone and still plan on being a missionary. But I have been thinking and praying about it in the last two weeks, and here is what I have come up with.
1. God gave Eve to Adam - God wanted Adam to be "married" and to love Eve more than anything on Earth.
Notice I said on Earth there. I truly believe that God wants us to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and body. He wants us to love Him above everything else. To worship only God. Yet we are humans and we are very fallible. And God knows this. He knew this when He created us. Without the concept of loving your husband or wife, we would never fully understand how much love God has for us or how much we are suppose to love God.
It also puts into perspective - a human perspective - what idolatry really is. When we put something before God in our lives, we are committing adultery against God. As a human, on Earth, I will never understand how much pain my sin gives God because my mind is limited. But I sure do understand how much it hurts to be cheated on. *Disclaimer, I have never been cheated on, nor have I cheated but I know from my work with teaching abstinence to teens what it does to a person* God created sex to be a physical way to become one with your spouse. It is meant to represent how each one of us is one with God through Christ. If your spouse has sex with someone else, it is devastating. Imagine now how God feels every time we sin.
So that is my first conclusion. God gave us the gift of marriage to better understand how to love with our full hearts. Our spouse is never meant to replace God in our lives nor is marriage meant to replace ministry. But if we have Christ at the CENTER of our marriage and He is FIRST in both partner's lives, than it will be possible to love God and our spouse with all our hearts and not be contradicting God desire for us.
2. Being a devoted spouse is possible while being a missionary or working in full time ministry.
Working at my church for a year and working closely with a missionary family this summer has showed me how it is possible to work in ministry and be a devoted husband. I have listened to a few male friends of mine use the line "I don't think I can get married and be a missionary at the same time." Here is my thought out (meaning removed and not emotional) response to that thought.
Bull****. You can not "hide" behind God and noble calling to avoid heart break, taking risks or commitment - unless you are 100% sure that God is calling you into a life of celibacy and service to Him. Which is possible. God does do that, but I don't think that He does it as often as I hear that line from men. I also think this b/c of the lack of women that use this line. You know guys, women can be called to the same SINGLE state as you can be, and i know a few women who are in their 40's and not married. But the point here is that you have to know that God is calling you to that life, not just use that possibility to avoid asking a girl out.
Second reason I say, bull. Well, maybe it is true. You can not get married and be a missionary...but God can do that in you. If you get married and God calls you (as a couple) to the mission field, HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING. Or if He calls you to the field and then gives you a wife. Trust God. Let Him work in your life to be a devoted husband (maybe father too) and His servant. Anything less would be taking God off of the throne in your life.
Lastly it is possible by using your marriage as a ministry to the people you are trying to serve. Loving your wife and family is a ministry and doing God's will. LET GO OF THE AMERICAN STANDARD OF WORK and embrace God's standard. Your ministry will not thrive if you ignore your family, even if it is because you are doing ministry. You know what. Same thing applies if you are single and in ministry. If you go over seas as a single person to do ministry so that you don't have to worry about a divided heart, guess what your heart is still going to be divided. Actually, there is the possibility of more division...friends, parents, siblings, potential spouses.
This blog is a response to others questions about marriage and missions. I can't tell you what God has planning for your life, nor can I say that God wants or doesn't want you to get married. I just want people to know that it is possible and Biblical to be married and a missionary. Just as it is possible to be single and be a missionary.
7 comments:
Excellent response sister. Sheesh I hope that really gets throught to the people who hide behind missions.
I know that your b-day is this week. Hope you get some of the gifts off your list. My sister refuses to trun 25. She is always going to be like 23 or something.
I figured I'd just try to get a quarter from everyone I know...wonder how well it will work out? 25 is an interesting age....it's like, now I should be adult-like...yet I really still want to be a kid...responsibility...what's that??? =o)
I agree that it is wrong to hide behind "missions" or anything else to avoid the risks of relationships.
I do not think I am avoiding but rather struggling because the women who have come into my life have always had different "calls" then me so I refuse to pursue anything further.
Also, I am hoping to take life threatening risks to spread the gospel. I want to go into closed countries (hostile to both america and christianity); especially Muslim settings.
I do not want other people (spouse, children, etc.) depending on me because I do not plan on surviving.
Theophilus-
I hope you didn't read my post thinking that I was projecting anything on you. I just wrote on my "experiences" and what I tend to see happen. That being said I think it is very admirable that you refuse to pursue anything with women who are not called into missions.
I want to pose this question though. What if you meet a woman called into the same field as you? I know a lot of young single women who are planning on going to closed countries and would love to meet a single man called to the same field. I would hate to see them not getting married just b/c the men on the field don't want to leave them behind IF something happens.
You may be ready and willing to die for the gospel...which I applaud you for...but God is the only one who dictates when you die. I would hate to see you (or anyone) not open their hearts to love someone just in case God calls them to martyrdom.
If God calls you to a life of celibacy and you can follow Him down that path, more power to you...just don't close off what God has for you.
-Vic
Theophilus,
Esentially any woman who God may have for you will be husbandless irregardless of your death. Since you will not persue her. Right?
I do not think that I have the gift of celibacy. I happen to be single and celibate (for almost 27 years now) currently but I do not believe that my current situation is permanent.
If a woman came into my life who shared the same desires as I do (willing to take life threatening risks for the gospel in "closed" countries), then I would pursue her.
Hey it is good to hear people talk about this stuff...especially a guy. As a single woman of 26 I feel the same a lot of times, It seems like there are not that many guys out there interested in missions..It is nice to know there are some. I often feel like I won't ever get married because there are no guys interested in missions...hang in there, I'm doing the same :)
Post a Comment