Sins and Curses

To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you. Genesis 3:16

This verse has caused me grief for over 14 years. I've struggled trying to understand what Eve's curse means to me. I've had discussions with pastors, read articles, and even took an intensive course on the first 12 chapters of Genesis. Yet I was unable to come to a conclusion as to what this curse means to mean. Obviously I know that I am a sinner. And I am acutely aware of what sins I struggle with daily. But sin is different that the curse given here. Sin came into the world when Eve decided she decided she knew what was better for her than God. And when it comes to my sins, that can be traced to the root cause of my sins. I think I know better than God. Thankfully I don't.

But the curse. As a single woman, what does that mean for me? Since I am single, there is no potential for childbirth. I tried to link it just to pain with menses, but no I don't think you can stretch it that far. So as of right now, this part of the curse is not applicable to me - though I am really looking forward to the day it will!

So what about the second half. My desire will be for my husband, and he will rule over you. What on earth does that mean? I desire for a husband? No, it doesn't imply that at all. All of the reading and research and conversations I have had over time seem to agree that the meaning behind this verse is wives are to submit to their husbands. Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church. HE himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24 So again, how does this apply to me as a single woman. I never was able to come up with an answer to this question.

Chapter 3 of Captivating discusses the primary question that all women struggle with. We all want to know if we matter at all. Are we captivating? The Eldridges state that all men struggle with the basic question, "Do I have what it takes?" and all women ask, "Am I lovely?" They go on to say, "Nearly all a woman does in her adult life is fueled by her longing to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her question answered, 'YES!'"

It goes on to bring this question back to the fall and the curse. Adam's curse is universal to all men, everything they do will be only through toil and their biggest fear is risking failure. John Eldridge says in chapter 3 "[Adam] denied his very nature and went passive...Every man repeats the sin of Adam, every day. We won't risk, we won't fight, and we won't rescue Eve." quoted from Wild at Heart. He goes on to say that we can easily see men following this pattern today, "Men, just when we need them to come through for us...they check out. They disappear, go silent and passive." Ok, I can see this. It makes sense and works for all men, single and married. "A man is cursed with futility and failure. Failure is a man's worst fear."

Then they move on to women. Starting the the root of Eve's sin, "We tend to be grasping, reaching, controlling." Yup, yup and yup. "We believe that in order to have the life we want, we must take matters into our own hands. And we ache with emptiness nothing seems able to fill." Yup and yup. At this point in the chapter, I was like CRAP, she can read my mind.

"Woman is cursed with loneliness, with the urge to control, and with the dominance of men." This is described in the book as having relational heartache, a need to control her man and having to live in a world dominated by men which is not how the world was created to be. They go on to say, "Most women hate their vulnerability. We are not inviting - we are guarded. Most of our energy is spent trying to hide our true selves and control our worlds to have some sense of security."

Wow - did this hit me hard. My curse is played out daily in my loneliness and need to control my life. Wow! Wow wow! I have been running and hiding and building walls around my heart and life to protect myself because vulnerability is the scariest thing I can think of experiencing. Being vulnerable means allowing your self open up to someone enough for them to hurt you. And since we are all human, we will fail each other and hurt each other.

At this point in the chapter, I nearly broke down. I was finally starting to realize the full weight of my sin. And what the curse means for me. And wow...does it hurt.

Stay tuned for the 2nd half of chapter 3.